National holiday: Embrace the spirit.

I thought it was in poor taste, but who am I to argue with the President? If the Prez says that we should have a national holiday to celebrate Reagan's death, then so be it. In the words of a younger George Bush, and the U.S. Postal Service, "Party on!"

Now, for any good party, you need to bring a cake. And the appropriate one here would be a cake in the shape of a key. (If you can have a lunatic deliver it, so much the better.)

And guests. You need guests. Make sure to invite some of the neighborhood welfare queens with their Cadillacs. They'll be sure to eat a lot of the cake. Well, if they show up.

What's a party without music? Might as well play some Ray Charles, to honor someone who passed away this week who deserves being honored.

But nothing says "summer party" quite like a barbecue, so that's what I'm planning to have. Steaks, wine, whatnot. And ketchup as a vegetable, of course. And to get the charcoal going, I'll douse it with plenty of charcoal lighter fluid, to make sure it gets good and hot, with flames rising high into the night. You know, like the firey vistas at Reagan's new home.