Opinions are like noses; everybody has one.

Somehow, I got onto the NBC "opinion panel," which means they'll send me emails asking me to take a survey about something or another. I don't remember signing up for it, but it's the sort of thing I'd be willing to do, so it's probably just that it's been more than 3 or 4 months and I've forgotten about agreeing to do it.

So this morning, I receive the first survey, and it has to do with variety shows, mostly of the late-night type. How frequently have I seen Letterman's show, or Leno's, or Kilbourn's. What do I think of these potential qualities that a good host of a late-night show would have: friendly, warm, funny, sarcastic, multi-talented, former professional athlete, opinionated, short-tempered. (Short-tempered? Absolutely. I would surely watch Leno more often if only he were short-tempered.) Am I familiar with and what do I think of certain celebrities: Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, Dennis Miller, Bob Costas, John McEnroe. And for that same list, how would I rate them as possible hosts of a late-night show: stupendous, wonderful, good, fair or poor?

That's when the survey turned ugly, because the survey really was about McEnroe. "We notice that you rated McEnroe fair/poor. Please tell us why." Because you didn't have a rating of "sucks dead skunks," so "poor" was as low as I could rate him. Because he's an obnoxious, whiny, crybaby jerk. Because I would actively boycott any advertiser who purchased commercial time on his show. And then the survey went on for another 4 or 5 screens of questions specifically about McEnroe: a 5-point scale on level of agreement - extremely agree to extremely disagree - on whether certain terms describe McEnroe well (e.g., funny, friendly, sarcastic, short-tempered, juvenile, gracious); a yes-no list of whether you recall McEnroe in certain roles (substitute host for Letterman, married to Tatum O'Neal, commentator for tennis matches, host for Saturday Night Live, and my favorite, professional tennis player a long time ago - sadly, they didn't ask about his stint as host of the reality/S&M TV show, "The Chair"); how often you'd watch a talk show for which McEnroe was the host (frequently, sometimes depending on what else was on, never).

If it were up to me, McEnroe would never get a TV show. And if he does? Well, that's why they invented cable - to have choices when crummy shows are on. And there are always books.