One born every minute.

America: Land of opportunity, land of innovation. And certainly one of the places that acts as a showplace for frequent innovation is the grocery store, with hundreds of new products appearing every year (and most of those disappear quickly).

We ran across one of this year’s products recently, the Grapple. (The trademarked name is pronounced “grape - ell" and not to rhyme with “scrapple,” alas. Didn’t stop us from using the latter pronunciation, however.) Described as “Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape!”, it’s started appearing in local grocery stores in 4-packs, selling for $4.99 (on sale this week only, for $3.99). Sounds like an intriguing cross between an apple and a grape, and it’s located next to other engineered fruits and vegetables (“square” oranges and the like).

Someone at the office had a birthday today, so we bought her a 4-pack of Grapples. Even before she opened the container, the aroma was wafting throughout the room – and this is a warehouse. The aroma? Mostly concord grapes (i.e., Welch’s), and too much of it. The Grapples looked like regular apples, picked to fit nicely into the clear plastic 4-pack.

We cut one Grapple into slices, and tried it. The smell of concord grapes was reduced, masked by the aroma of ripe apple. When you bit into it, it had the texture and taste of a ripe, crisp apple. About 10 seconds after you swallow it, though, the lingering aftertaste goes from “apple” to “grape soda” – and then that aftertaste far outstays its welcome, turning from “grape soda” to “generic industrial grape soda,” not a good thing.

Somewhat belatedly, I looked at the ingredients, listed on the label. Turns out that Grapples aren’t a modern cross of two fruits, after all. They’re apples, with artificial grape flavor added. (Can’t tell if it’s injected or sprayed on, or some combination.) Not even sprayed with grape juice; it’s artificial grape flavor, which I suppose is why the dominant grape flavor was Grape Nehi.)

I can’t imagine anyone ever buying this stuff twice, and unless it goes on a much better sale, I can’t imagine many people buying it once. (And I’m glad that I wasn’t one of them.)